SO much CHANGE!

Since my last post, my life has changed drastically for the better! Last year around this time, I was dealing with a looming decision. A decision to end a relationship that I was so familiar with, or to stay put in the stagnant place I had been for the last 6 years. It was in Yosemite that I think I finally knew what path to take, but I was so scared. Scared of change, scared of what the unknown future would hold for me, scared of being alone, scared I would never have the things my heart truly desired. In December, I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. I walked away from a man who I had spent over 6 years with. I didn't know what would come next, but I sure am glad that I had the courage to walk away, because I could have NEVER known the kind of blessings the Lord would pour out on my life in the months ahead. 12/27/11: Walked awy 1/24/12: Met Mike Kirkland 2/24/12: Got engaged to Mike Kirkland 4/14/12: Married Mike Kirkland 5/2/12: Found out we were pregnant 1/7/12: Expecting a baby girl, Lucy Elizabeth Kirkland The timeline on this I would have never guessed or believed it would happen that way myself, unless I lived it! After the break up, I knew exactly what I wanted. And I also knew exactly what I didn't. And I was not going to waste any time finding the person that wanted those same things. I had 3 requirements, or non-negitiables of the man I was looking for. 1) He had to have a relationship with Jesus Christ 2) He had to want marriage in the next 2 years 3) He had to want children in the next 3 years. These were things I was not going to move on. Because these were the things most important to me. Anytime I would meet a man, I would ask him his stance on these things. Words are fine, but actions always proved more important than words. I joined the website Match.com shortly after the break up. If I met a man that I like his profile, I would e-mail, and I would first ask about these things. If they were lucky enough to get my number, I would spend time talking with them on the phone before I would decide about meeting them. Mike answered everything right. He says the night he met me, he thought he may have just fallen in love with me right then. Our second date, he pulled out all the stops, having me dress up, got me beautiful flowers and took me to a musical in Dayton. Our third date was to my church. A day later, my beloved dog, Hogan, passed away. Mike was so kind to him when he picked me up for church. He even text me the morning of and told me he was praying for me. I thought I loved him then. (2/6/12) The second night after I met him, he asked me to accompany him to Baton Rouge/New Orleans on a business trip. On 2/12/12, I agreed to go with him, even though my BFF thought I was crazy! All the magic happened there. He whisked me away on a magical trip and pulled out all the stops, from hotels, to dinners, to a carriage ride around the town. He even held my hair up after I drank to much and tucked me in when I passed out! We were so in love that the proposal just kind of happened. After we got back, he took me to the pawn shop where the ring I had ALWAYS wanted was at. Even though he couldn't imagine buying a ring at a pawn shop, he did because he loved me and wanted to see me happy! We got married in Las Vegas with just our closest friends there and my parents and Aunt Mary and Jim. Of course Jessica came and was my Matron of Honor, hair stylist and our photographer! It was perfect! Little did we know, we conceived Lucy sometime that weekend! Who knew? I never thought I would be able to get pregnant, much less without assistance from fertility. God knows the perfect timing. He knows just what we need and when we need it. He has blessed me with a man who has literally, in every way, made ALL of my dreams come true. I would have never expected it to happen this way and so fast, but I am the happiest girl alive! I have a man who loves me unconditionally and with all his heart and he has made me a wife and soon a Mother to a beautiful baby girl! I love life right now!

I Can See the Light

Well, guess what? I will be finished with my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing in just 7 short weeks! And guess what else? I'm just crazy enough to start it all again for another 3 years so I can be an Acute Care Pediatric Nurse Practitioner!! I guess I will just do work and school forever and ever! However, it will pay off in the end, I know it~ Life has been going okay, had a little bump in the road in April but I've gotten through it! Kevin and I are doing well, just been going to lots of weddings! We are going to Niagara Falls next weekend and to Phoenix,AZ next month. I'm so excited to get some time away, I've felt fairly couped up this year in comparison to last year! Speaking of weddings, my brother has proposed to Lynsie, they are due to tie the knot in Sept 2012 after she graduates from nursing school. I'm so happy that he has finally found the girl for him! I've been taking lots of photos lately, I have to admit, I'm getting quite good at it! I truly have a passion for it. It's a hobby that comes naturally and doesn't require too much thinking!Nothing else to report for now! Thanks for reading!

Hike for A Cure

So, it's been a while since I've posted and everything is much of the same. Loving my job, working hard at completing my Bachelor's degree in Nursing (July...I can see the light!) and of course, spending time with Kevin! Kevin is doing well and is about to start another flip, this one to be the best yet, a beautiful Victorian which is actually a historical home!! It should be good!

So, everyone knows I have a huge heart for Hematology/Oncology and also the Bone Marrow Trasplant kids. I met and got very close to a few families when I worked there, most of which had children who passed away from a terrible disease called HLH. I've decided to "Hike for A Cure" in September. This involved hiking Yosemite National Park's "Half Dome". This isn't your average hike....it's a 20 mile hike, 8842 feet elevation and all together a very tough hike. I will be raising money to benefit HLH and the help fund the cure. I am hoping to hike on Matthew & Andrew Akin's Team....two brothers who lost their battles whom I had the pleasure to know and take care of. (Meet them and their family at their wonderful website at www.matthewandandrew.org)
My good friend Amie has faithly decided to hike with me! I'm very excited and am starting to train now for it even though it isn't until September! More to come on this awesome opportunity!

The Holidays are coming Too Soon! !

I can hardly believe that it is November 19th today. Where has the time gone? I have done so many wonderful things this year! I'm excited for the hoildays to be around the corner. The lights, trees, and the all the talk of Jesus is always wonderful this time of year! I got lucky and am off for Christmas! I'm training on Days Team with SRU until the end of the year! It's going okay, I am not a fan of being someones subortinate though! School is on break, at least online....I am in a Chemistry class at Cincinnati State.....it seems like it will be okay, just a lot of busy work as usual! Kevin and I are doing well. We just returned from Las Vegas for my aunts wedding. We had a great time! He is almost ready to move into his house....boy it's been a long project but it is going to be SOO nice. I can't wait, I'm so excited for him. He has worked so hard in his life for this time to come.....he deserves it!

With Thanksgiving just one week away I am let to ponder the many things I have to be thankful for in life. My health, my family, Kevin, my friends, my job......so many things. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with such an awesome life. He truly did and does have good things in store for me.

It seems like everyone I know is pregnant or getting married these days. It makes me happy for them but sad because it is not me. I want nothing more than to be a wife and a mother some day. I know I would be so good at it! Patience....good things come to those who wait.....I hear ya, I trust you Lord!

A Stone in the Path

It is said that through this life we are walking down a path. Sometimes it winds, and bends, sometimes it is an easy walk, while other times it seems all uphill and sometimes there are pebbles or stones in the way. I have had one amazing year in 2010. I've been blessed with an awesome job, have traveled to many places this year, Kevin and I are in a great place, I've started school for my BSN and am truly at a great place in my life. I have lost 26lbs in the last 3 months and am at an all time awesome fitness level and have been eating an awesome healthy diet. SO....for my stone. I had my annual check up yesterday. I got some not so great test results. I do not know too much at this point, but I know enough to be concerned. I now have to see a Cardiologist (heart doctor) and a Nephrologist (kidney doctor) for further investigation on some things that came up. Please pray for me. The long term effects of high dose chemotherapy and intense radiation to my abdomen and chest are starting to show their faces and I don't like it. I know that God has great plans for me and that He is protecting me.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace; taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding ....in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Lord....I trust you, and I know this stone is just a pebble in your eyes, help me to continue to praise you through this storm!

Childhood Cancer Awareness

Here is a quiz for you. . . October is ________ Cancer Awareness Month. To show your support you wear what color on Fridays?

I’ll bet that every adult and child in the U.S. would be able to provide the correct answers. October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Pink is the color to wear on Fridays to show your support.

My aunt had breast cancer several years ago. I fully support any and all efforts to eliminate breast cancer from the lives of women. It is a terrible disease that has cut the lives of many adult women too short. It has prematurely taken daughters, wives, mothers, aunts and grandmothers from their families.

Quiz #2: September is _________Cancer Awareness. To show your support you wear what color?

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month. You are supposed to wear yellow/gold to show your support. Did you know that cancer is the number one killer disease in our children?

My parents knew when I was born that she was special. Little did I know that I would be ‘the one.’

I was ‘the one’ in 300 children who will be diagnosed with cancer before the age of 20. I was ‘the one’ in the 1.1 million children to be diagnosed with Wilm's Tumor. I was one of the 40,000 children who had to fight cancer.

My parents were forced to wonder if I be one of the 3000 children who die from cancer.

Cancer, whether you are an adult or a child is devastating. It is certainly not my attempt to minimize any cancer or to prioritize any life. Life is precious. But my problem is just that-- ALL life is precious. And if ALL life is precious, why is there minimal funding and virtually no recognition for childhood cancer and research?

When I talk about childhood cancer, I can put faces to names. Want a list? I can give you twenty kiddos off the top of my head who are battling cancer. I can see little faces, skinny bodies and bald heads. I can give you at least a dozen more names of children who have earned their wings in the past year.

Here is food for thought. The National Cancer Institute (NCI) is responsible for the federal funding for childhood cancer. Funds are distributed to investigators at children’s hospitals, to the Children’s Oncology Group and to labs in the NCI to fund research.

Congress is responsible for coming up with a budget to fund the research. Cancer research is budgeted at 5.6 billion dollars for 2009. Sounds like a lot doesn’t it? Of that breast cancer received 12%, prostate cancer received 7% and all 12 major groups of pediatric cancers combined received less that 3%.

To put this into perspective NCI allotted 572.4 million dollars for breast cancer research in 2007. Other NIH institutes funded breast cancer research at 132.6 million and the Dept of Defense allocated 138 million dollars. That is over 800 million dollars in funding. That does not take into account funds raised through campaigns and donations which totaled over 250 million dollars. (info pulled from Candlelighters.org)

So with my limited math ability, 572+132+138+250 = well. . . something like $1 billion dollars for breast cancer research.

In 2007, the NCI reported that the combined extramural and intramural funding for childhood cancer research was approximately $180 million. However, this estimate could be regarded as liberal as some of the associated research might not be perceived as directly benefiting childhood cancer. Other more conservative estimates, put childhood cancer research funding as low as $30 million annually. (cited from Candlelighters.org)

Breast Cancer research = $1 billion dollars

Childhood Cancer research = somewhere between $30 million and $180 million.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Money drives research and research drives survival rates.

My bottom line as a childhood cancer survivor is--

I am thankful that I lived through it!.

I want my fight to matter to someone.

I want my struggle as a survivor to matter to someone.

I want someone to take notice and help these kids I take care of everyday.

I want my community and your community to start supporting research in this area.

Pink in October is wonderful! It is necessary but I want to see yellow in September.
I want to hear that ‘real men wear yellow’.
I want my yogurt container to have a yellow lid.
I want the students in my school district to wear hats on Fridays and donate the money to help fund childhood cancer research. I want celebrities like Ellen to sell yellow shirts in September to promote the cause.
I want to see professional sports teams sporting yellow in September.
I want to have the option to buy a yellow ‘childhood cancer’ magnetic ribbon at my local pharmacy to plaster on my vehicle.

There are things that can be done. . . I am just one person. I need the rest of you to find something that you can do in your community to make a difference in the lives of children. Many of you have your own children. . . imagine if cancer invaded your life. . . imagine if there was a cure out there but no money to find it.

Had this issue been addressed years ago, maybe, just maybe the cancer unit at our hospital wouldn't have a waiting list. Unfortunately so many kiddos are running out of options. Few options mean little hope in their fight against cancer.

Again: Money drives research which drives increase survival rates. . .

Continue to wear your pink and send in your yogurt label, but please help me and the millions of kids fighting cancer by taking some kind of action to support research and funding of childhood cancer.

(Written/Adapted with permission of Katie Clayton, mother of a child with cancer)

What a difference One Year Makes!

A year ago I was so worried about passing my boards.....now I sit here and I've been a nurse for almost a year! AND, the best part is that I am back on A5. I love it here. I know that this is truly where I was called. There is something about these bald-headed, chubby cheek little kids that just melt my heart. And to see them smile....takes your breath away. They are so brave and so strong, much more so than they should ever have to be. I wonder how my parents did it. It just breaks my heart again and again. I still follow all the kids I took care of a year ago, I read their pages, send cards to families who have lost their child or chilren and pray. Most importantly, I pray. I have learned so much in my first year of nursing, I love it! It is such an amazing thing to be a part of....to take care of a child and a family when their child is sick. I know I touch them, I leave every morning just knowing I made a difference! It is such an awesome feeling knowing that THIS is what my calling is, I'm living it everyday! God sure knew what He was doing when He saved me from cancer and called me back from it to take care of kids going through it! It is incredible! I pray that I can continue to be a blessing to these kids, that somehow, each day, I can make them smile. That is my reward, just knowing that I made a difference in one childs life!